11*28*11

Life for me has been truly a traumatic to me. My marriage may no longer be and I don't understand why. I made a mistake of doing something out of anger and now Baine wants nothing to do with me. Surprisingly God has been giving me peace of mind as long as he's not here but then when he's not here I am kind of bitter because I need assistance with raising our son. It seems like when we're in the same room together that we are enemies. I don't want to be his enemy but his friend if that is what he only wants for me. We are both hurt but I'm choosing to handle mine in a mature manner and he's not. I mean I validate his feelings but I REFUSE to be treated like I'm a bad person and that it's my fault that things are the way they are. It takes two to tangle and I guess this happening because maybe we are not meant to be together anymore. I love him deeply because he is genuinely a nice person but he's VERY bitter with me for the mistakes that I've made in the past but he has to forgive in order to be forgiven and he must show mercy towards me. I am not asking him to be best friends with me but I at least want us to talk or have a conversation. My family is so disappointed and shocked at what is going on that it breaks my heart. He seems to be careless and unresponsive and it's so freakin' annoying!!! I've been praying and crying and crying and praying and yet I can't hear God. I want my marriage to last SO much but maybe God does not want that for me anymore because maybe we are more detrimental to each other. He no longer wears his wedding ring and every time I hear my phone ring or get a text I hope that it's him asking for some counseling because he does love me but I guess he truly is done with me and it's sad. All of these years that we've been married and we've had so many good times and now it comes down to this. God please heal both of our hearts!!!