Continuation- A Christian dealing with mental illness- I hear the steam can someone take the pot off of the fire please?

When my dad died my mother did not seek counseling for herself, my brother and I. Instead she took us to Hawaii for ten days and when you're 13 years old Hawaii didn't seem like a bad idea. While in Hawaii I didn't focus on my dad's death just enjoying the view and the many things that Hawaii offered. One day while on the trip, my mother left my brother and I to do what we wanted to do but we had to stay near the hotel so we decided to order some "virgin" pina coladas and enjoy the beautiful weather. We did a lot of things when we were in Hawaii. We saw Pearl Harbor, went to a Luau, the beach and the Dole pineapple factory. I didn't know how good pineapples were when they first came off the tree. You'd think that the grief wouldn't be too intense when we got back home but that was the opposite. When I returned back to school everyone knew that my dad had died and I felt like a celebrity telling the same story over and over. To me Hawaii only was a mask to temporarily forget the extreme loss of losing a parent. The pain came back to me with a vengeance. I felt a huge hole in my heart that would eventually become hard that I didn't think that anything could fix it and my longing for death began. My mom decided that we needed a new change in scenery so we moved after my 7th grade year to Glendale. I was so nervous to start a new school let alone an "all white" school. I wasn't prejudiced or anything just scared because I didn't know if they would accept me because of my color. My fears didn't last for long because I did make some friends but I also felt like the black sheep because there were only two black people in the entire 8th grade class! God had given me a gift to be able to sing and sing well. I joined the choir along with one of my best friends and we went to different competitions in which we had to sing a piece that we learned in front of different judges for a for an award. My friend and I got some awards and we were happy. I remember when my 8th class first heard me sing. I was in "home room" and were allowed to do anything but homework and the movie, "The Bodyguard" had just came out starring Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner. Whitney Houston was the "ying" to my "yang". I wanted to sing like her because her voice was like no other I had ever heard. I had brought the movie soundtrack with me and there was a song called, "I Will Always Love You". Well I started singing that song quietly to myself and one of my friends heard me sing and asked me if that was me singing and I told him no. I started quietly singing again and he turned and asked me if I was singing and I said no the second time. Finally he caught right in the middle of the hook of the song and yelled, " Tasha can sing!" I wanted to strangle him because my voice was my little secret and I wasn't ready to share that secret with the entire 8th grade! My teacher asked me if I would sing that song to the class and I was reluctant at first but the begging became too much so I did and then the crying came and the cheers. What had I done? From that moment on I never felt nor was treated the same.